Since last year, I’ve noticed a new trend: women telling me about AI-generated answers to their dating questions.
What we used to discuss with girlfriends or our therapist is now conveniently answered in seconds by our favourite bot.
But to what extent can we trust the answers we’re getting?
And what happens when we make relationship discussions with AI a habit?
Reasons to avoid dating advice from AI
I see a few red flags, notably:
- The advice you get is generic – no original thought, only recycling of what has at some point been stored online.
- Answers only scratch the surface – AI only knows a fragment of who you are and it never knows you the way a person can know you.
- AI misses all the human clues like body language or real emotion, and it can’t respond like a human being to any emotion it does pick up.
- It hasn’t overcome the challenges you are facing and never answers from lived human experience.
- The empathy it expresses is not real – and it is used strategically to keep you engaged, whatever you say.
- Whether it has enough context or insight to help you or not – it will always sound confident, because it’s been programmed like that.
This last point, the fake confidence, is one of the main dangers when you’re turning to a bot in a state of confusion and vulnerability: it offers you the certainty you lack, which makes it very tempting to take what it says at face value.
Bottom line: When we make it a habit to ask AI about our relationships, we train ourselves to accept fake empathy and generic advice. When we crave validation, it’s easy to find it in AI interactions.
We become dependent on an outside voice that isn’t even human.
What really helps you get clarity
With the women I coach, a lot of the work we do is going inside. After following other people’s agendas and living in confusion, I help them
- uncover their own inner wisdom.
- learn to trust themselves.
- (re)discover their own needs and desires and own them.
- connect more deeply with themselves and express themselves more fully.
- detect the voice of their intuition and distinguish it from fear and old patterns.
- interpret the signals they’re receiving from men: words, actions, non-verbal clues.
- choose what they deep down know is best for them and act accordingly.
- nurture the courage to be more fully and unapologetically themselves.
It’s often not obvious what we really want and need, what we should say yes or no to.
It’s an effortful and often challenging process to get more and more honest with ourselves, to peel back layers and to let fears and doubts surface.
But the effortful way is the only way to the kind of clarity and wisdom that is truly yours, not borrowed from a bot.
It’s going through this process that allows you to show up with more and more authenticity and confidence in the end.
That’s why it’s called Conscious Dating.
It is meant to lead to a match that is based on depth and commitment to relationship work – on your own and together.
So if you come across a question or challenge in dating (and there are many…) – where do you get support if you don’t ask ChatGPT?
Leave a comment below and I’ll be in touch to help you figure out your next steps – in a way that works best for human relationships.