When we think about dating and finding love, what comes to mind is romance, feelings and attraction.
What most people don’t think about is the investment it takes to choose the right person and to build a lasting relationship.
But big goals can only be reached when we invest: time, energy and often also money.
It doesn’t matter if the goal is certain job, a house or a life partner – in order to get there, we need to be intentional with our resources.
The good news is: finding a partner for a committed relationship is no exception. There are certain steps that help us move towards a love match – and we make progress when we make the right investment.
Getting tired of dating frustration
At the end of 2015 my search was stagnating. I rarely had dates and the men I did meet were either commitment-phobe or not for me. Some of them seemed great, fun, smart, attractive – but they wanted to keep things light and casual. They wanted to have fun and they often wanted to play games.
I didn’t go out and date a lot because of my introverted nature and various commitments (at least that’s what I thought was holding me back). The times I did go out were steps in the right direction, but they were drops in the ocean.
I felt that if I continued at that pace, it might take me years, if not decades, to get to the loving, lasting relationship I wanted.
I understood that my goal was big and that despite all the self-awareness I had, there was something I wasn’t seeing. I wanted support, expert guidance and a solid plan. So I decided to stop inching forward and take a leap instead.
My investment in love
After carefully choosing what seemed to be a powerful and effective approach, I got private coaching support. I invested big time: money, time, energy – everything I could spare and more, being a single working mother of a 7-year-old.
To give you an idea: the financial investment was along the lines of a new car or a down payment for a mortgage. I didn’t have this sort of money in my accounts, neither current nor savings.
And here is where I showed myself and the world what I value most in life: committed, deep and meaningful relationships that foster love and connection all around me. I wanted this more than my own flat or a new car. I wanted this more than anything. So, I did what I had to do to make it happen: I took out two loans to pay for relationship coaching.
I followed my intuition.
I acted based on my values.
I invested my resources and channelled them towards my goal.
I got support to create a path and to modify my beliefs and actions accordingly.
I committed to the path I chose and stayed on it even when it got tough.
Noting ventured nothing gained
It was a risk – as friends and family were quick to remind me – because what if the coaching didn’t work? What if I’d be stuck with two loans and nothing to show for them?
For me, the financial investment was definitely a risk – but I felt certain that this coaching could help me, and I trusted my gut.
What I later understood: investing big was also a crucial success factor. Going beyond what I thought I could afford sent a clear message to myself: this is your number one project and there is no plan B. By paying big bucks I raised the stakes to the point that I was super-committed and IN.
When I finally made my love and relationship life my priority, it only took 8 months to attract my husband – a man who is kind, caring and emotionally available.
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As it turns out, I made choices that, to this day, I consider life-changing in all the best ways. And yet, I don’t think that every single needs to pay for 1:1 coaching to find love. Everyone’s path is different. But if you, just like me in the past,
- have self-doubt, fears and limiting beliefs
- are struggling with trust issues because you’ve been hurt and disappointed, but never loved the way you want
- are not prioritising your love life because there are so many other things to do
- are stuck in a scarcity mindset, thinking that there are no quality prospects around
- keep repeating one or more of the 14 Dating Traps –
… then chances are you have never committed to a strategy and followed through consistently over time. What could happen if you did?
If you want to find out how your love life can evolve, you can start by investing in the Conscious Dating & Relating membership. At only 24€/ month, why not test what it means to be consistent in your search for a life partner – with professional guidance, practical tools and the support of a safe, private community of like-minded women mid-life. Join us!