The sexual revolution has brought benefits like freedom, self-empowerment and flexibility, especially for women. And yet, as Louise Perry argues, it has failed everyone, men and women alike.
Sex & commitment are losing significance
Here are some concerning trends she points out:
- Sex is nowadays often treated like any other fun leisure activity that anyone can have with anyone else without deeper meaning or consequences.
- Girls and women are told that they can (or even should) have sex like a man (without getting attached and without pursuing a relationship).
- Having a committed relationship, getting married and having a family: these are just options and shouldn’t be recommended or expected in society. Individual freedom matters more than societal norms or biological drivers.
Why casual sex is problematic
This is extremely problematic for several reasons.
It is hardwired into women to attach to a man they are intimate with. A woman’s animal brain understands sex as partner selection for a long-term relationship with the purpose of having and raising children together. This is why we attach so fast emotionally and overriding this very old instinct is difficult, harmful and costly.
While casual sex with a lot of different partners is something that suits men much more than women, it is not good and not fulfilling for men in the big picture either. Data show that monogamy and marriage help societies prosper and they’re good for by far most individuals Being in a relationship and having a child lowers testosterone in men, which makes them less prone to violence, for example.
It is only a minority of good-looking, successful men who can pick any woman they like; more and more men are becoming frustrated, have little or no sex and are retreating from the dating market.
Sex is an intimate act that makes us vulnerable, physically and emotionally (again, women more than men). It comes with certain risks (pregnancy, disease, rape). The natural consequence is to have sex only with someone we have carefully selected, we trust and we want to strengthen a bond with. Sex is meant to be something special, even spiritual and sacred.
Allowing casual sex to become a trend means young people don’t learn to be in committed, longterm relationships and they often end up single and childless against their will.
Is it your time for love and commitment?
The overall consequence: a lot of people are disillusioned with the dating market and stay single because no-one seems interested in making a commitment any more or because they are worried they will have to sacrifice vital parts of their individuality.
However – this doesn’t stop our human desire for deep connection, companionship and true intimacy. We’re headed for an epidemic of loneliness, accompanied by severe economic issues connected with the falling birth rate and an increasing number of elderly people without families.
Listen to the Modern Wisdom podcast ep. #492 with Louise Perry, a British writer and author, to find out more: The Sexual Revolution has failed everyone.
I’m here to support you personally on your path towards a meaningful, lasting relationship that will change your life. It is never to late to prioritise this area of your life – join us in the Conscious Dating & Relating membership for mid-life women who want to grow towards lasting love.